Why Finding Love After 40 Feels Impossible (But Isn’t)

Stronger together, with my Magic Hat

Let’s get real for a minute. Dating after 40—or 50—can feel like trying to board a plane with the wrong ticket. You show up hopeful, dressed for the occasion, thinking you’re finally in the right place at the right time… only to be told, “Sorry, wrong gate.”

And if you’re anything like me, you’ve probably had that experience where you connect with someone, the spark feels electric, you let your guard down—and then, once the sex happens, he morphs into a self-absorbed asshole you can’t recognize anymore. It’s almost like he bought the ticket, enjoyed the ride, and then ghosted at baggage claim.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not crazy. And you’re definitely not alone.

Here’s the truth: finding love after 40 isn’t impossible—but it is different. And for women like us, who have lived a little, loved a little (or a lot), traveled, built careers, raised kids, or rebuilt our lives after divorce or loss… the game is not the same one we were playing at 25.

Why It Is Harder for Women After 40

One of My First Solo Adventures: Falling in Love with Myself

First, let’s just call it like it is. It is harder for women our age to find meaningful companionship. Not because we’ve lost value (quite the opposite), but because the dynamics shift dramatically.

• Men our age (40s, 50s, 60s) often feel the pressure of aging differently. Many are chasing youth, validation, or a kind of ego boost. Some want a partner, but a lot are looking for someone to fit into their world, not build something new together.

• Women our age? We’ve outgrown the bullshit. We’re not looking for a fixer-upper project. We want connection, companionship, depth—and yes, some fun and adventure, too.

This mismatch means that while we often attract attention quickly (men are drawn to our confidence, life experience, humor, and stability), things fizzle once it becomes clear that we’re not here to orbit around someone else’s needs.

The result? A whole lot of almosts. Great first dates that don’t go anywhere. Deep conversations that end in silence. Sparks that flame out after the first sleepover.

It’s exhausting. And if you’ve ever felt like throwing up your hands and saying, “Forget it, I’ll just travel solo and have my own damn adventures,” I get it. I’ve been there, too.

The Difference Between What Men and Women Want

Here’s something I’ve noticed, both in my own life and in years of watching male/female dynamics play out.

• Men at this age often want ease. They’ve worked, they’ve raised kids, they’ve survived divorces. Some just want companionship without complication. Unfortunately, “ease” can sometimes look like “I’ll call (email/text) you when it suits me, but don’t expect more.”

• Women at this age want depth. We’ve worked hard to get where we are. We’re often financially independent, emotionally intelligent, and self-aware. We’re not looking for someone to rescue us; we’re looking for someone to walk beside us.

The problem is, these wants don’t always line up. A man who just wants to feel young again isn’t going to match with a woman who wants to build an adventure together.

And let’s be honest—some men are self-absorbed because they can be. Society has always told them they’ll age like fine wine, while we’ve been told we’re lucky if someone still wants us at 50. That imbalance creates a lot of entitled behavior.

Why Men Seem Amazing… Until They’re Not

So why do we connect so easily at first, only to watch them turn into someone else after intimacy?

Because in the beginning, it’s about attraction and possibility. Men are intrigued by our independence, our sparkle, our stories. They’re pulled in by the novelty of a woman who doesn’t need them—but who chooses them anyway.

But once they “get what they came for,” the mask can slip. If a man was only there for the chase, or to stroke his own ego, intimacy becomes the finish line instead of the beginning. That’s when we see the truth: was he genuinely interested in building something, or was he just along for the ride?

It’s heartbreaking, but it’s also clarifying. Because once you start spotting these patterns, you stop internalizing them as failures. It’s not that you weren’t enough—it’s that he wasn’t ready for what you are.

Is It Even Possible to Find Companionship During Travel?

Here’s the beautiful part: travel can actually increase your chances of finding real connection.

Why? Because when you travel, you’re stepping outside your routines. You’re showing up as your fullest, most adventurous self. You’re meeting people who are also curious, open, and often in a different mindset than they are at home.

I’m not saying your next great love is waiting for you in Rome, or Paris, or on a transatlantic cruise (though hey, it’s not impossible). But travel does two things:

1. It reconnects you with yourself. You remember who you are outside of the dating apps, the to-do lists, the disappointments. You see yourself the way the world sees you: vibrant, alive, interesting.

2. It opens doors you didn’t expect. Whether it’s a conversation with a fellow traveler, a flirtation that turns into a friendship, or just the realization that you’re capable of creating joy solo—travel makes you magnetic.

   
   

And magnetic women? They attract all kinds of possibilities, including love.

The Love Story You Can Always Count On

If I Can Brave 500 FT, I Can Brave This Adventure

So is it harder to find love after 40? Yes.

Does that mean it’s impossible? Absolutely not.

But here’s the thing I’ve learned: the love story we can always count on is the one we write with ourselves. When you choose to live fully—whether that’s boarding a plane alone, laughing with girlfriends, or yes, even swiping through Bumble with a glass of wine—you’re writing a love story worth celebrating.

And sometimes, that’s exactly what makes space for real companionship to show up. Not because you need it, but because you’re already whole.

So here’s my promise: in this space—this blog and our community—we’re going to talk about it all. The hilarious disasters, the painful disappointments, the unexpected lessons, and the epic adventures. Because whether or not we find “him,” we’re not sitting on the sidelines.

We’re living one hell of a story already. And trust me—this one has a happy ending, even if it doesn’t look like the fairy tales we were sold in our twenties.

Your Turn

I’d love to hear from you. If you’re a woman over 40 (or 50, or 60!) navigating love and travel, what’s been your experience? Have you found connection on the road? Have you had a “what the hell just happened” moment with a man? Or are you simply embracing the joy of your own company right now?

Drop your story in the comments—or better yet, come join our private Facebook group: https://m.facebook.com/groups/1209966314266476/?ref=share where we can laugh, cry, vent, and cheer each other on. Because this journey? It’s so much better when we take it together.