From Ghosts to Growth: How to Turn Dating Nightmares Into Empowerment

When the Date Turns into a Ghost

It had been a difficult week of playing yo-yo. You know the kind of dating yo-yo where he’s thrilled to see you, but then takes you to a weird cafeteria-style restaurant where the odds of me not being able to eat the spicy food should have been a given.

Ghosting has become common, unfortunately

Then, sweetly, he shows me around town — only to make me feel like I’m failing some sort of interview. He yields nothing of himself, not even his last name (seriously, who doesn’t give a last name?).

There was an intimate bedtime, yes, but the rest of the week was a slow fade. I was ghosted in plain sight — he spent the least amount of time possible with me while staying in the same room.

Was I surprised when my short thank-you email received no response? Not at all. After all, I had already told him: “I hope no one ever treats your daughter like this.” And then… silence. My fairy tale had an abrupt but definitive end.

At least, I thought it did.

Until it wasn’t.

The ghost returned — by this analogy, a zombie. He had come back from the dead, but the stink of the failed “relationship” was still all over him.

The Zombies at the Gates

There wasn’t an apology for the issues we’d had, not even for vanishing. Sure, the email began with “with apologies,” but quickly turned into excuses: moving a homeless friend into his house, a break-in, going to his next gig.

I wasn’t sure any of those things explained weeks of silence, but apparently, he had time to write them all out.

Sound familiar?

The Ghost Factor

So let’s define ghosting.

To me, it’s simply when someone you’ve been communicating with stops communicating. It happens for unknown reasons, though our minds usually fill in the blanks with assumptions. Sometimes there are clues, sometimes not.

Like the French guy I once dated — attentive until the day of departure. Then came a cryptic French text: “I did really like you” (past tense), followed by blocking me on social media. Au revoir, buddy.

Zombie-ing, on the other hand, is when someone you’ve written off for ghosting magically reappears. And let me say this: they all eventually come back.

There was the man from a major investment firm — the kind who once rang the bell for the stock exchange. He vanished because of complicated connections with my ex-husband, saying he couldn’t take the heat due to his position.

Years later, out of the blue, he called. He wanted to meet while he was in town. But by then, I was already seeing someone else. I wished him well and declined. That chapter was closed.

He had been important when I needed confidence — and for that, I was grateful.

The emotional impact is real. Ghosting stings. It triggers self-doubt and forces us to question our worth. And zombies? They can stir up old confusion just when you’ve found peace.

Reframing the Experience

Here’s how I choose to see it.

Ghosting = Instant Filter. When they ghost, I take it to mean they have no desire to continue the relationship — or even the friendship. That clarity is a gift.

Being Solo isn’t a problem, Would rather than Choose Wrong

Let me pause here: I don’t believe soul mates are a strict 1:1 deal. Life happens. You might marry the wrong person, grow apart due to circumstances beyond your control, or lose your person to tragedy.

I believe people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lesson. Nothing is wasted.

Sometimes a suitor turns into a side-liner, but the connection was still valid. Just because someone isn’t my “soul-fit” doesn’t mean we wouldn’t make better friends. Many of my Facebook friends could testify to this.

I want people to be happy, even if that doesn’t include being in a relationship with me. And if they can’t handle friendship, I let the dream of who they were in my life die.

Zombie-ing = Red Flag and Reality Check. I’ll admit — there’s a flicker of satisfaction when they come back. It validates that I wasn’t imagining things, and that yes, they did see my worth (just too late).

But it’s also a test. Their return forces me to check my intuition, reestablish my boundaries, and resist the fleeting “what ifs” that can creep back in.

The Hopeful Takeaway

Here’s the real takeaway for me.

• Ghosts sharpen my intuition. I can look back and see the red flags I ignored, and recommit to the rules I broke for the wrong people.

• Zombies remind me that eventually, they recognize my value — but by then, I’ve moved on.

• Both confirm what I’m truly seeking: consistency, clarity, and empowered love.

Dating mishaps don’t erase hope. They color the path so I can better see the way forward — toward the love I do deserve.

They make me more resilient, more clear, and more empowered to hold out for the love that we all deserve.

Share Your Story

Now, I want to hear from you.

Do you have a face-palm-worthy ghost story? Or maybe a full-on “Walking Dead” zombie experience?

Share it in the comments or drop it in my Love, Luggage & Lessons group. Your story just might give someone else hope that they’re not alone.

And don’t miss my upcoming live: From Ghosts to Growth. We’ll dive into how to spin these frustrating dating moments into empowered hope.

Because ghosts and zombies fade, but your worth? It shines brighter every single time.